I'm just really glad it's not just me. I have 2 daughters away at college (21 and 19) and my dear son (16) still at home (thank goodness) but I miss the girls like crazy. They were and are so much resounding joy in my life- it is still hard inside my heart to know that I'm letting them go. And I am but inside it's still difficult. Hang in there as you go through the summer getting her ready to leave the nest and thanks for making me feel less alone.

I feel for you and I know where you are coming from too!
I have five sons and they come to me for everything, even the teen one confides with the nasties of girlfirend problems etc and then one day he went to his father and they were talking as you would expect Dads and sons would ,,,,but I was hurt beyond reason and had to hide it as it wasn't their problem, it was mine . I was jealous of that Dad/son thing.I suppose because I don't have a daughter that one day all my boys will eventually turn to the male talk they can only share with each other but it still hurts and is scary that one day I will left alone.

I am so sympathetic to that feeling of a growing up daughter. Mine is 12 and I miss her when she sleeps over at someone's house.I love my sons, too but it is different with a daughter. You mope all you want. and maybe knit her something warm to take to New Hampshire in the fall. I am making my daughter an afgan out of Malabrigo and it is wonderful...

{{{hug}}} I have no advise to offer, no words of knowing what you're feeling, all I have is a hug for you. I hope it's enough.

You used the word "stupid" and I can't have you use that word when talking about this!!!! It's not stupid! It's hard, and sad and a huge bummer but not stupid. I'm already seeing the signs that this is happening in our house too and our oldest is only 15. It's so hard. I feel for you.

Oh Sandy, I'm crying here. Sweetie, I know exactly what you mean. Even though none of my kids have gone away to college, when Michael moved out last year, my heart broke completely. The desire to do anything but hibernate, eat, drink and cry was overwhelming. I stopped regular blogging, became a dull, bitter drone at work and gained (yet another) 20 pounds. I've let myself go, completely, and am now paying the price. It's not a pity thing, but a deep, deep mourning. Kid, I know where you're coming from, and know that I'm hugging the stuffing out of you right now.

Bethany's going to college is SO COOL, and SO EXCITING--it really is!! Imagine if she left before you expected, under angry, hateful circumstances. UGH. And she has a boyfriend?! Wow....that's so cool. Our little girl who used to give me such a bad time in chat. All grown up. Sigh.

I think you should listen to Claudia.
xoxoxoxo

Uh oh, looks like I'll be renting Lost.
Li

sorry, i can't spell, already!

gah, i have one more year til my dd goes off, and i'm alredy weeping!

My eldest will turn 21 in a few weeks, and I was just 21 when she was born, so I'm busily pretending that I'm not absoltuely freaked out. But I am. Oh, I am. I completely understand your blues, and you are not alone!

aww, I'm in my fifth and final college, and I promise it'll get better! I was really close with my mom when I was growing up, then when i started college I started drifting away and doing my own thing...testing out this whole independence (or is it"...dance"?) thing. It wasn't until my 3rd or 4th year that I began getting closer to my mom. If you guys were close previously I'm positive you both will be even closer in the future! Just let her have her time and space to do her own thing for awhile :)

you are most definitely not a disposable mom!

Norma and Doris are right - IM is a great way to stay in touch. It is a natural communication tool for nearly every teen in this day and age. I used to work with teens as part of a volunteer program. They always knew who was online and kept up constant "chatter" with them. They didn't hesitate to include any of us adults that used IM as well.

If you and Bethany are close now, you will remain so. People's lives change, not the love.

OH and Missy while 24 was being TiVo'd (ya know to FF thru commercials) I watched Celebrity Cooking. Made me hungry especially the crepe.

It will be okay, better than okay actually. I too thought my heart would break when my little girl grew up and left the nest. NOW I CAN'T GET RID OF HER!!!!!

She was itchin from the time she turned 15 to LEAVE. Then 19 hit (real life) and Mom wasn't so bad, 20 & 21 Dang how did Mom get so smart? Now at the ripe (HAHA) age of 22 we are closer than before. Zee youngin calls me multiple times a day just to tell me the little things.

Close Mother/daughter relationships tend to stay close.

When my daughter left, I turned her room into a studio and just when I got comfortable she moved back home ;)

Norma's right (on the IM thing that is!). My son IMs me all the time to let me know what's going on. And it makes it easier for him to ask certain questions or tell me certain things that he might be embarassed to tell me face to face or over the phone (after all, he's an 18 year old boy). He told me just yesterday, while we were iming, that he knows his dad and I are always here for him, but that because I IM him, and his dad doesn't seem to know how (I'm working on it...he's a technodinosaur about some things) that talking to me is so easy. Yay! The magic words that every mom wants to hear!

Well, I've got nuthin' for you on this one.

Except.

Road trip!

Well, on a cheerful note, abc will be making several shows (including Lost) available for on-line viewing on April 30th at their website. I'm planning on catching up on the 2nd season that way!

Be careful with the chocolate! I gained 10 lbs during the spring & summer of my son's senior year in high school trying to console myself with chocolate and potato chips. You'll be teary probably until October--just go with it and cry when you need to. It gets better. It's more "normal" for him to be away than for him to be at home, but I still get teary when he leaves.

I too am sending my youngest off to UNH this fall. However mine is a son but I will miss him too. When he is at work or school the house is soo quiet, yet I "complain" about how noisey and messy when he is around! It hit me two weeks ago that this really was going to happen and I was in a funk too. However this one seems a bit easier as he will be closer, my first went to Purdue and my second Penn State and now at Univ. of Minn for vet school. Still it is a weird time in my life, I feel like I have lost a bit of my identity. Maybe we can start a support grou cause I think we live near each other, have our youngest going off to UNH, and we love to knit! What is your daughter's major? Maybe we'll see each other around UNH sometime, I'll be the other mom with knitting needles at orientation!

Oh Sandy... my mom went through this same thing when I was going to college. We are "peas in a pod" and since I am her baby and only girl, it was hard. But, I talked to my mom on the phone EVERY night when i was in college. Yup, she called or I called her. I thought I would be so excited to be away, but I found i wanted to tell her all about it. B/c of this very close relationship (my mom knows alot about Dan than she ever knew about "first" boyfriends), she and I are very close now. She is my Mom, which is sooo much better than being a "mother"... So, no--- you're not disposable. You have to wait out the transition... my mom claims I am way more fun to hang out with now that I am not (and this is a direct quote)"an evil self-centered hormone controlled teenager". ha ha ha. She was my "mother" in high school, my "therapist" and "bitch-to person" in college and my mom and best bud now. I have to say, as the daughter, it's great having a Mom like this! (and from what i've read...you're a mom like this too!)

Tell B good luck at UNH (I went to SAC, we called UNH "uhhhnnnnn" ha ha ha)-- the "snotties" are the best (cheesy fries!)

:) Kate

Not having kids, I haven't experienced this firsthand -- but I can only imagine how tough it is to let your baby venture out into the world. But it sounds to me like Bethany will succeed and excel. And a good part of that is due to you!

If we weren't somewhat disposable, it would mean parasitic children. They HAVE to grow up. By temperament they vary. My darling daughter was definitely cranky off and on and let me know that she didn't "NEED" me all that much... and she's since made it clear that she values and respects me. (Of course I always knew she was my favorite --and only-- daughter). When I left home for college it was my intention to Never. Look. Back. My mother may have thought I never did, either. Ironically, I am always thinking about what was wrong at home, and how to not repeat the mistakes. I apparently corrected enough that my children did NOT fulfill my nightmarish dreams and do the same thing. They like coming home, and do so frequently... if under their own rules. Be blue as needed... and cheery when it strikes you. (It is nice to have things stay in the refrigerator a bit longer!)

I agree with everything everyone has said about Bethany and your relationship with her - it will only get better...

Now, about Lost -- I too just finished watching the first season (I'm usually gone on Wednesday evenings), and am trying to decide whether to try to catch the reruns (even tape them on my ancient VCR) or wait for the season 2 DVD. I'm afraid they won't show the reruns in order, and I really don't want to see them out of order. I was so surprised at how much I enjoyed Lost - I love the backstories and character development.

don't worry. if you were close before, you'll be close again, only then she'll tell you about how the baby spit up on her cashmere sweater that you knit for her, and the husband forgot to buy diapers, so the baby had to go bare-assed for a few hours, and work has been a major drag . . . and you'll love every minute once again. just wait for the grandbabies.

I actually became better friends with my mom after college - it may be rough but it will be worth it in the end!
Oh and the hatch - I don't want to spoil anything, but it's full of yarn! :)

Not silly at all. But, maybe it helps to know that for all the moving away from my mom I did at that age, I've moved that much closer to her as I've gotten older. I hope that for you and Bethany, too!

*hug* Here, have some lovely dark chocolate...

oh lordy - do I get it or what! There were two very very difficult times in my life, when my oldest began school and rode the bus the very first time ( I cried) and when she graduated (I cried lots)
The good news is that after she moved out we became even closer (and this was amazing since we were already very close) - she began to share ALL her boyfriend/job/career woes and joys.. and we talk almost every day.. I promise this gets better.. hang in there... you're in the toughest stage.

sending a hug (or lots of 'em! save them for when you need them :)

One other thing: This should be required for all parents of kids going off to college. If you are not into Instant Messenging, get into it. Get proficient at it. If you want, I'll practice with you. My daughter (and her boyfriend and my nephew, for that matter) always know when I'm online and I always know when they are. And we are in constant contact. It is WONDERFUL. When I talk to other parents at the college (or before that, at the boarding school), they say, "my kid never calls me or writes me; I never know what they're doing." I don't feel that way AT ALL. Ryan's dad (Ab's boyfriend), the last time we were at the college, was moaning that he didn't know this or that, and I said, "I do." "How do you?" "Ryan IM'd me." He looked at me wistfully and said, "So I have to learn to IM in order to talk to my son, eh?" And I said, "Yes. That's the way kids communicate now. And when they have little things on their mind, if they know you will come running to that little IM bell, they will come online and ask you all sorts of interesting and weird, small and important questions, tell you what they just got on their test, tell you what's worrying them or bothering them, ask you to proofread their papers, ask you how to cook a hot dog in the microwave, remind you that they need coins for the laundry -- whatEVER." And that sort of little contact makes all the difference. They want instant, quick contact -- not to have to pick up the phone and call and not to have to write a letter or an email.

Aw, SNAP OUT OF IT, I say!!!!!!

Kids are nothing but trouble, and I'm sure Bethany is just more of the same! Believe me, you're going to be SO GLAD SHE'S GONE. Nobody around to be in your way and to make you talk and laugh. Who needs talking and laughing anyway? And no one to steal your portion of meatloaf and make you do more laundry. Pshaw!! Good riddance, I say!!!!

(I fear I must explain to your poor innocent readers that I'm just a big bag of crap whose job it is to make you laugh, before they think I'm a big ogre.....) XOXOXO

We'll be here for you, San. And never fear -- I'm here to testify that if you have a good relationship with her now, it will not change, unless it's for the better. I'm telling you. You'll stay as close as you are now, or closer. Trust me.

I understand completely what you're going thru. My daughter plays the clarinet and is off to college in August. Try as I might, I've never been able to put into words what it feels like to have the last one going away to college and especially this one. She has kept us busy these past 6 years with all things music and now it's going to come to a screeching hault. I even read your blog entry to her (well, the first 3 sentances, then I couldn't read any more so her brother read the rest.) I guess we did our job right, and maybe too good, huh?
I'm not too sure how this "empty nest" syndrome caught up to me so fast, but it has shaken me to the very core!
If you need a shoulder, holler, I know exactly how you feel!
Sheri in GA

It sounds like a perfectly fair reason to feel blue to me, although I've only been on the "going away" end of that equation. I still talked to Mom on the phone every day, though!

I pushed my mom away at that age, too, but as soon as I moved away from home, I missed her immensely and knew how important she was and how huge a part of me.
My sister is going through the same thing now as her son (and only child) prepares to head off to college. I can only imagine how it will be, but I know it can't be easy.

I so appreciate your sharing your thoughts with us, and all the wonderful responses. My three will all leave at the same time (triplets!) and I just keep hoping I won't be a total mess when it happens, that I'll enjoy NOT driving all the time, or all the decisions, etc.... but I figure it will be a big ole mix of things. It sure helps to hear other people's good advice and encouragement. Hang in there!

Not stupid. Not silly. Seems perfectly normal to me. Doesn't normal suck sometimes? I also became closer to my mother when I went to college. We were able to relate on a whole other level. And I also agree that talking about it makes it not so scary.

Damn, you mean it never gets better? Sometimes I look at my big baby boy, and I cry because he's so big and not my tiny little bug anymore. Even though he's such a joy and it's so great to see him learn something new every day, it's bittersweet because it's all happening so fast. And apparently it gets worse.

Mom's are NEVER disposable. Even though my Mom is gone she is always in my mind and always with me.
This is a tough time of year for so many and even if they don't face the challenge that you do with your empty nest. It is a time to let B sprout wings and find her way be also a time for you to find out who you are...besides being mom.

Just naming the thing you fear can be helpful sometimes. Poor Sandy! I'm sure you will hear from TONS of mothers who have been in your shoes and know just what you're going through.

Awww, Sandy. I knew that's what it was. I was just waiting for you to figure it out and/or tell us. And it's so normal. My mom and I were a lot like you and Bethany - we talked and laughed and joked together. It never changed, not when I went away to college, not when I got married, not when I had Hannah. If anything, the older I got, the closer we got. You'll have that, too. I know this is a time of big changes for all of you but change can be good, too. And she will ALWAYS need her mom.

I have only one of three that's truly flown the coop, but I know EXACTLY what you're facing and how you're feeling.

Celebrity Cooking Showdown -- that really looks like it could be fun. ; )

I'm kind of yelling at you over here..."disposable mom"?!
Never,
ever.

Maybe boomerang mom, where you need to push your mom away to make sure that you can come back to her at a later point? Or that could be boomerang kid, I guess.

But disposable? Never. And silly? Never! As a daughter (not a mother, yet!) knowing that your mom is a friend, too, is a rare, rare gift, and one that clearly you and Bethany have.

I think you're wicked smaht to have seen it now, so you can enjoy the summer rather than waking up in September feeling blindsided. :)

I'll post a sky picture for you today.

My second child is the one I will miss when she goes away to college - and she will, unlike her older sister... I'll miss her but also can't wait for her to have that experience, to get into a place where she will thrive. It's still 2 years off but the thought of it can get me weepy already.

The hatch - chocolate.....

For what it's worth, my relationship with my mother got even better after I went off to college. We're closer now than ever, and I am much more willing to share bits of my life with her.

I know you know, but sometimes it helps to hear it again. It WILL be well.